Colonel Sanders releases a statement after being exonerated by a military tribunal
COLONEL SANDERS EXONERATED ON CHARGES OF AIDING AND ABETTING THE ENEMY.
Contact: Lieutenant Smith, KC PR Office
June 14th, 2011
Louisville, Kentucky: Colonel Sanders is a free man once again. Having been charged with aiding and abetting the enemy in multiple combat situations across the world, Colonel Sanders has been exonerated of all these charges and been offered a full apology by the United States Military.
When KFC opened its first outlet in Pakistan in 1997, it was welcomed as a landmark in US-Pakistan relations. Since then, things turned sour, with accusations flying that KFC was feeding the Taliban and turning a blind eye to arms deals being conducted by groups of men sharing a Family FeastTM. Worse was to come in April 2010 when Colonel Sanders was personally accused of supplying the enemy with weapons in the form of those little toys you sometimes get with children’s meals. Remanded in custody from until his trial, Colonel Sanders had maintained his innocence throughout and has now been vindicated.
On leaving the court, Colonel Sanders said, “I would like to thank my fans for their support, my family for their unquestioning love and my cell mate for his amusing impressions of Ronald McDonald and The Hamburglar. I will be suing for compensation against the US Military for all their defamatory statements, particularly the one about the lack of chicken in my Chicken ManiaTM meal.”
At this point, it is important to note that the release of Colonel Sanders has nothing to do with KFC agreeing to update the Army’s MRE (Meals Ready-to-Eat) rations to include the Zinger BurgerTM and KFC’s Spicy SubTM.
Notes for Editors:
Colonel Sanders opened his first restaurant in 1930, before expanding his business to include other franchisees. He sold the KFC business in 1964, but was kept on as a figurehead.
KFC is part of the Yum! Brands Group and has franchises in 109 countries and sells food that is healthy and nutritious.