Category Archives: Mock publications
Things that may not actually have been published or actually happened anywhere.
In the years since the end of ‘The Famous Five’ many have wondered
what became of Julian, Dick and the rest of the gang. Apart from
vicious rumours that they became involved in a drug-smuggling ring,
little has been heard from them since their visit to see Tinker. Some
put this down to the nature of the ‘secret papers’ that went
missing, although both MI5 and MI6 have denied any knowledge of this.
Recently, there have been renewed efforts to find The Famous Five,
particularly since the mysterious circumstances surrounding Uncle
Quentin’s death. However, no-one has been successful until now –
where the police and security services failed, we have been able to
track down the surviving members of the group. Here’s what they
have been up to.
Julian has managed to retain his youthful looks and, from the outside, does not appear to have aged a day since the end of the series. The reality, however, is different. Julian suffers from chronic arthritis and finds it difficult to stand, let alone walk. It is a far cry from the times when Julian used to run marathons for fun after the Five
went their separate ways. Combining his long-distance running with a long career as a post man has evidently taken their toll on Julian’s
joints. Unfortunately, Julian is now housebound and has to rely on home help since his wife passed away last year. However, he is scheduled for an experimental joint-replacement therapy, which may allow him to walk short distances free of pain.
The funny man of the Five, it is perhaps unsurprising that Dick managed
to forge a relatively successful career as a comedy magician.
Performing under the stage name ‘Dastardly Dick’, he has
supported various stand-up comedians on their UK tours. Now working
on a cruise ship based in the Mediterranean, Dick has no plans to
retire despite his advancing years.
Anne has experienced a tough time of things lately. She suffers from a
number of neurological disorders, including post-traumatic stress
disorder, chronic fear, and OCD. These disorders culminated in Anne
suffering a complete psychological breakdown almost a decade ago,
since when she has resided in a nursing home. Although not catatonic,
Anne is unable to hold conversations about any subject other than her
claustrophobia. Her doctors have stated that part of the reason for
Anne’s disorders may well be due to the rest of the Five forcing
her to join them, despite her clear signs of distress and fear.
As may have been evident from her behavioural difficulties during the
Five’s escapades, Georgina had great difficulty coming to terms
with her sexuality. These difficulties persisted after the end of
the Five. It was only after deciding to undergo a sex change that
Georgina, or George as he now prefers to be known, was finally able
to be happy. George describes the release of pressure once he finally
became a man as ‘phenomenal’. In George’s words, it gave him
‘the freedom to live as he wanted to’. Asked what he felt about
his time with the Five, George was reluctant to discuss the Five. It
seems that he blames them for his unhappiness and being forced to
conform to the ‘tomboy’ stereotype rather than be the man he
wanted to be.
Since the sex change, George has lived a varied life. Among the highlights are his attempt to qualify for the British Archery team for the 1984 Olympics, spending two years in the French Foreign Legion, and being involved in Labour’s 1997 General Election victory. Now settled in a village just outside Dorchester, George spends most of his time
maintaining the gardens surrounding his thatched cottage.
Sadly Timmy was run over by a HGV when a workman renovating George’s
house left the door open and Timmy, thinking that he can finally get
to go on another adventure, bound out of the house and into the
middle of the road. Timmy now resides in an urn on the mantel above
he fire in George’s living room.
Jo fell in with a bad crowd once away from the positive influence of the Five. Once the group broke up, Jo tried to rediscover her roots by returning to the circus her parents previously worked for. However, she was ostracised by the circus community for her links to the Five, and was forced to live on the streets, travelling from town to town. It was five years until Jo was able to turn her life around by coming up with the idea for the ATM. Selling her idea to Barclays made her a multi-millionaire, although she still prefers to keep this quiet from the people she knows. Now, happily married with three children, Jo is happily married with three children and runs the local pub in a small village in rural England.
Since Uncle Quentin’s death (which she refuses to talk about) Aunt Fanny has withdrawn completely from society. Previously very active in her local Conservative club as well a keen participant in regional tennis tournaments, Aunt Fanny now restricts herself to the occasional doubles match at her local leisure centre.