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A complaint to Mayfair Games

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to complain about your board game “The Settlers of Catan”. This game paints a false picture of life on Catan.

For a start, Catan has a thriving economy that is based on more than just the primary sector businesses included in your board game. We are one of the world’s foremost providers of insurance services and are leading global research into nanotechnology. Tourism is also an important part of our economy, yet none of these businesses are included in your game. Instead, you portray us as lowly primary-sector workers who only contribute wool, ore, grain and lumber to the world. And please tell me, how do hills yield bricks? You completely ignore the massive industry (such as kilns etc.) needed in brick production. Instead, you indicate that Catan magically obtains its bricks from some hills.

Furthermore, your statement that “there is no 7” is a blatant claim that we cannot count. This is a bare-faced lie! Some of the world’s greatest mathematicians have settled in Catan. Moreover our education system has a well-established curriculum to ensure that all high-school leavers graduate with the necessary arithmetical skills in order to contribute fully to our economy.

To assert that there is a “robber” amongst us is defamatory! Crime rates on Catan are among the lowest on the world, particularly for burglary and muggings. While there is the odd case of sheep-rustling and illegal logging, your use of a robber as a major part of Catan is unwarranted.

What’s worse, though, is your portrayal of our political system. To claim that Catan consists of a group of militaristic barons is erroneous at best. Our county-based government system has proven successful in developing roads and cities on our island and we have not had any civil war for at least five turns.

Even your cartographic representation of our island is incorrect. Catan looks nothing like the map you use. It’s shaped like an isosceles triangle, not the hexagonal shape used in your board game. And where is this desert that you have placed right where our capital city is?

I hope you issue a full apology for your misleading depiction of the inhabitants of Catan and rename your game. May I suggest the title “The Settlers of Monkey Island” be used?

Yours faithfully,

Andrew Setlar.